Thursday 1 September 2011

DOG STOVE: BORN REMAINALIVERER (Bear Grylls Spoof)

Here is our first production, we are very sorry it has taken us so long to get some video content on the site 'Uncle Bens' caught up with Elliot so we've had to emigrate to Pakistan!
Luckily though we bribed a Rabbi and he let us use his Mac, although it turned out it was a Mach Three Turbo not an Apple Mac.
Fortunately though after a blazing row, some Castrol GTX and a bit of dutch courage we stumbled across some Indian Travellers who have kindly lent us their laptop in order for us to upload DOG STOVE!

Enjoy,

CWP.

'Dog Stove is an intrepid explorer and invites you to join him as he takes a day off from work at the Co-op to indulge his passion for survival, hard at it!'

PART 1



PART 2





PART 3

Tuesday 16 August 2011

Who are Cockle Warming Productions?

Cockle Warming Productions consist of three lost souls who have endured the trials and tribulations of life and are venting all there frustration into making humourous little ditties to pass the time.

Elliot Wales


Elliot was born in the state of Alabama in 1964, after failing in his war against the Klu Klux Klan he was driven out of Alabama and travelled, via Stephenson's Rocket to Hawaii, where he spent several years trying to 'find himself'. Once found Elliot began preaching the word of God to the Maori tribes of New Zealand and Papua New Guinea, this brought him several years of success until the world famous rice company 'Uncle Ben's' launched a £300 million dollar lawsuit against him for using their slogan 'Perfect Every Time' on his advertising leaflets. Midly perturbed Elliot fled New Zealand to escape sentence, ironically on a raft made of rice, to Portsmouth where he was to meet Matthew J. Mullan and Nathan Thomas. In the Abercrombie Arms they plotted to over throw the Government but it was decided, after two years of plans, 450 tons of illegal explosives and a meeting with four Buddhist Monks that the three would form a sketch company and thus Cockle Warming Productions was born.

Did you know?

Elliot's father is rumoured to have been Pope John Paul II.

His mother is a former Olympic Javelin thrower.


Matthew J. Mullan


















Matthew J. Mullan was born Ezekel Joorbachian on the Isle of Scilly in 1956, son of  a serial killer Ezekal began studying Sociology at the age of four on the advice of his mother who was keen to ward Ezekal away from the thriving serial killer industry that his Father had began delving in many years earlier. Ezekal's father Benedict was charged with the murder of seventeen people in the winter of 1960, however despite his DNA being found all over the scenes and that in his testimony he proclaimed 'Yeah it was me that done it' he hired world famous Lawyer Hugh Massingbird-Massingbird who not only got a straight not guilty verdict but a lifetime pass for Alton Towers and various other 'Tussaud' attractions, on a further note Benedict has now launched a succesful Pottery business just at the end of Lower-Broughton Road in Salford, anyway, I'm rambling.
Back to Ezekal, having studied sociology for seven years  he develeoped an rather unhealthy obsession with Sigmund Freud. A Primary school class report from 1967 read 'Ezekal is a lovely child but does have a slightly sadistic and rapey edge to his personality'. However things took a turn for the worse when a 15 year old Ezekal attemped the neurosurgical procedure of lobotomy on one of his class mates, it was decided that he should spend a length of time in the magical prison of Azkaban. During his time inside Ezekal requested that the on sight surgeon perform a lobotomy on his person in order to forget his troubled past. The procedure was performed on the 18th April 1981. Ezekal awoke on the 3rd March 1986 in the Bronx, New York, without a clue where or who he was he gave himself the name Matthew J. Mullan, the 'J' incase your interested stands for Jeronimo. He spent years retracing his families past before ending up in Portsmouth in 2009 where his mother was born, where he was to meet Nathan Thomas and Elliot Wales.

Did you know?

Matthew once swam 26,000 miles from Brisbane Australia to Portsmouth England. When he reached his destination he realised he had forgotten his hat so preceeded to swim back with all haste. On arrival, dazed and confused he ran into lampost, woke up and realised it was all a dream, inspired, he then swam the 26,000 miles anyway.

He has three pet Sparrows called Axl, Slash and Enya

He once bought the Dyson Turbo Express 3.5 Hoover, just for the hell of it.


Nathan Thomas





















Nathan Thomas was born in the Republic of Uzbekistan on the 20th October 1970, the youngest of the Cockle trio he joined the Soviet Republic Army in 1987 after a chance meeting with the then USSR President Mikhail Gorbachev in a Slovakian slum. He was promoted to Colonel in Chief after serving only a year in the army and appeared on the cover of US Magazine 'Life' with the headline 'TWAT' accompanying his state picture.
With all seemingly going well Nathan was admitted to the 'Order of the Kutuzov' (the USSR's highest honour) for designing, creating and single handedly building the SCUD Ballistic Missile, a major achievement considering he was only 18. Shortly after it's launch he declared 'I hope my creation will bring destruction and anarchy to the world' which was followed by a hearty chorus of the Soviet National Anthem and lashings of Vladivostok Vodka. However shortly after this event Nathan became dissillusioned with right wing proletariat and relinquished his office and moved to Germany, where he became a professional Angler. He became World Angling Champion in 1998 and was then invited to Portsmouth to take part in the Heavy Weight Angler of the world contest. During this contest he snared his biggest catch, a human. This was no ordinary human though this was Matthew J. Mullan who had swam over 26,000 miles to get to Portsmouth. How they laughed at such a completely ridiculous meeting, they travelled to the local pub, the Abercrombie Arms where Elliot Wales was working as a barman. The three became close friends discussing everything from cars, birds, booze and whether or not reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics.
As of two years the three were insperable and after a failed attempt to over throw the government and turn Britain into a Communist Police State they settled on forming a sketch company and the rest, as they say, is bollocks.

Did you know?

Despite living in Communist Eastern Europe for twenty years Nathan speaks with a strong northern English accent.

He has a particular obsession with the illusionistic dance move performed by actor James Stewart in 'It's a Wonderful Life' (as can be seen in the picture above)/

He is famous for creating the saying 'Sticks and stones will break my bones but the SCUD Ballistic Missile will obliterate them into 350,000 radioactive particles'.

We are Cockle Warming Productions

Hello all and welcome to our brand spanking new website, as you may have gathered we are 'Cockle Warming Productions' and we want to make you laugh.

Over the next few months we will be uploading films a plenty, some long, some short, in which we hope you will find some amusement.

Our first production, 'Dog Stove: Born Remainaliverer' follows the story of Dog Stove, a man of the wild.
As you will see, if you ever get stuck in a desolate hell hole it's Dog you want not that Bear Grylls bloke!

'Dog Stove' should be making his big screen debut any time soon and we will br bringing you sketches and epics a plenty over the coming months and weeks.

In the mean time have a read of our profiles and get to know us!